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petegold commented on a boo
17 June 2010
Save Our Thumbs
almost 3 years ago
“With the launch of Xbox's new Kinect module, and with other Natural User Interfaces in development, I felt it was time for a friendly plea in favour of using our thumbs for some things: SAVE OUR THUMBS Computers are great. Computers are cool. We're the controllers and they are our tool. But as we kinect with technology We must never forget our biology Now our joystick and paddles are failing the test So we wave at our consoles and they do the rest As we bin our controllers the question becomes. What should we do with our thumbs? Save our thumbs They're the things we hold up to say hi to our chums Have we learned that they're not so disposable Don't oppose them. Rejoice! They're opposable. And without them we couldn't send texts to our Mums So please save our thumbs. Save our thumbs Without them we couldn't peel peaches or plums. Just how tricky would life for a butler be Tell me how would he polish his cutlery? And we'd all have to master base eight for our sums. So please save our thumbs. Save our thumbs Without them we couldn't play piano or drums Girls how tough would inserting an earring feel? Fellas. What should we tap on the steering wheel? And how else would we pick up potato chip crumbs? So please save our thumbs. Save our thumbs This is urgent so please pull yours out of your bums Do not think their importance is middling. Don't waste time - thumbs are not just for twiddling So I hope that humanity never succumbs To a world without thumbs. ” -
petegold favourited a boo
17 June 2010
Xbox I Want You
almost 3 years ago
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petegold commented on a boo
16 June 2010
E3 Blew My Mind
almost 3 years ago
“E3 BLEW MY MIND. Intro I've never played a video game before. Not since 1984 When there was no blood and there was no gore And loading Frogger took an hour or more. Then I went to visit Los Angeles. Where there's nothing but cars and plastic cheese And they took me on a trip to see E3 And it blew my mind and weakened my knees. Haven’t felt this weird since I ate some of that cake my friend Kevin made in college. My consciousness got tied in knots. I ate some ghosts, and a whole lot of dots I killed a werewolf with a big sword. I crushed an armoured arachnid horde. I fought off an Aztec with a sharp blade I blew up a jeep with a hand grenade. I wielded a gun in Akimbo stants. In a skintight boobtube and hotpants. A giant blue hedgehog swooped and soared. With a fox on a turbo hoverboard. A noble knight fought a noble quest While a rapstar sang like Kanye West I stole a chopper and from a Viet Cong camp I earned my belt as a boxing champ. I met James Brown and I took it to the bridge He said my drumming was average. I’m driving a Ferrari: sleek and red. I’m a one man mission to kill the undead I’m Commanding armies: full of wrath. I’m a tiny little boy made of hessian cloth. I'm a champion skiier on a slalom slope I'm a hooded assassin trying to kill the pope. I'm a mutant hulk with a bloody great gun Slaughtering thousands: cor it’s fun. The North Koreans have taken DC Get a mug for nothing and a pen for free. Rob the bank. Run from the fuzz. Meet new toys with Woody and Buzz. Love on the run. Sex on the beach. Blow stuff up with Halo Reach. Fists go punch. Skulls go crunch. And all of this before my lunch. Aaaaaagh.” -
petegold commented on a boo
15 June 2010
Xbox I Want You
almost 3 years ago
“Xbox Slim I want you. Oh... you're lookin good to me.... You're sleek, you're slim... you got curves ALL the way down. Ooh, let me insert my hard drive into your concealed slot baby (you know what I'm talking ‘bout) But don't make a sound sugar - keep it whisper quiet. Because... you know that's the way a games console should be honey. Mmm… let me run my fingers across your button and see if I can.... turn you on. Xbox, Xbox You're every gamer's dream You're much more than you seem You're makin young men scream With your new black colour scheme. Aw - they finally given you built in WiFi sugar yeah. Transmitting on my frequency. Built-in digital out, and 3 x USB's on your back. Honey, your specifications got everyone interested.. And when Kinect comes out baby... Ooh... we can really interface. My hands all over the place. All over your face. And I'll be able to talk to you... You're gonna do everything I say. I like that. Yeah. So why is it so wrong To want you like I do? Aw... I've waited for so long. To get my hands on you. Xbox. Play music Xbox. Stop Xbox. massage my feet a little. Xbox. ooh yeah!! Aw baby. You been givin’ me the green light all evening. But don't let me catch you playin with other gamers honey. I ain't down with that. I'll unplug you. You know I mean it. I'm keepin’ you all to myself. Yeah. Does it invalidate the manufacturer's warranty to rub a little lotion on you? Surely a little can't hurt. Is that so wrong? Oh baby. ” -
petegold commented on a boo
13 June 2010
Tron Evolution
almost 3 years ago
“Went to Disneyland today. Went on log flumes and got drenched. Watched the England USA game in a bar full of people hooting "U.S.A! U.S.A!", then went to a briefing with Disney, and got to play the new Toy Story 3 game, and the new Tron game: Tron Legacy. Haven't had this much fun since I was twelve! Here are the lyrics for my tron song: TRON Tron. Tron. The Legacy goes on, And the posters will have have Jeff Bridges on. Tron. Tron. The Legacy goes on And the soundtrack ISN'T by Elton John We know the movie’s coming We just can’t wait. But I’ve played the game and I thought it was great. You can blow up all your friends with a lethal disc And travel at speeds that can be quite brisk You can run up walls in a shiny rubber suit. If you get derezzed you can just reboot. Just reboot. Tron. Tron. It won’t be very long Til the launch of the game Tron Evolution. Tron. Tron. Your character has con- -tinuity of weapons offline and on. You can ride a light cycle on a big black road And make all sorts of things explode. You can steer and fire with expertise But your cycle won't turn at 90 degrees. Though the game will be heavily advertised You sure don’t wanna get recognized. Tron. Tron. With your helmet on You'll never need a trip to the hair Salon Tron Tron. Do you like this song? If I don’t stop soon I could go on and on. And on and on and on And on and on and on and on… ” -
petegold commented on a boo
12 June 2010
Jet Lag Song
almost 3 years ago
“Hi. This week, I'm doing a daily song blog (or "Slog") around a trip to L.A., centering on Xbox's Project Natal, and culminating in the E3 Expo. Here's my first offering, appropriately entitled "The Jet Lag Song". Lyrics below: JET LAG SONG Arrivals Where has my passport gone now Oh where? Oh how? It should be in my pocket Oh where could I have dropped it? Hang on it’s in my pocket Exactly where I put it. This happens every time I take a plane. Customs Metal detectors go beep. I’m half asleep. My poor old heart is lurching Cos it’s always me they're searching. I think I’ve lost my passport yet again. I must have…Jet lag, I got…Jet lag. I wanna lose myself inside a sleeping bag. My brain’s a Wet rag. I got... E3…. Jet…. Lag. Oh I got jet lag I got jet lag I think I musta dribbled on my Xbox mag. I feel my Head sag I got... E3… Jet… lag The flight was 13 hours oh why didn’t I sleep? But there were movies, there was breakfast and the lager was cheap. This week is very busy Tomorrow we're in Disney. And now I must collapse into a heap.”
petegold
Pete Gold
I'm a comedy songster with over 10 years experience on the UK stand-up circuit. I believe in a hummable tune and plenty of jokes in my songs. I like to pastiche different styles. Check out my album, "HOBBLEDEHOY" on iTunes and Amazon!
Rickmansworth, UK
petegold commented on a boo
27 July 2012
Olympic Anthem
petegold
10 months ago1343234588